Thursday, September 07, 2006

Sunday Scribblings #24, I would never write...


Hmm good question. I am a very open person, I love to talk. Guess I have the gift of the gab...

Anyways I really don't think I would write about my medical history. No nothing life threatening at all....

Something I went thru when I was child. It was hell....it has caused so many problems for me in my life, even NOW...it still pops up at me and I just cringe of the thought of it ever happening again. I used to get unwanted attention because of it and I hated it! I detested it.

I mean I get paranoid sometimes and I just go, "Kellie, it's over, relax", and just try to forget about it.

I sometimes think about it every single day, and just go relax it's over...

I even hate writing about it right now, but I am...got to push myself.

I haven't told many people, and I don't tell people I don't even know, sometimes I feel almost like I should, but for whose sake? It's over right? But none the less it has caused problems for me to this day. Anxious thoughts etc, and I almost feel like I need to give people an explanation for why I act in certain ways.

Oh well this too will pass. But will it, I mean it's been over 17 years now...why does it keep bugging me?

I don't even want to say what is was, see this is something I really wouldn't write about, so I am like totally ditching what it's really about.

I have heard people or seen people make fun of this medical problem and it makes me so pissed off, pardon the language. I just feel like throttling them, how could you be so insensitive? I imagine if they knew they wouldn't of said anything at all.

It's nothing that I did, that I had this when I was a child, it was genetic, so it happened.
I sometimes wonder why it happened to me? Why me? Could my life be different?
I guess I just have to accept it, and quit with the, "What if's?"....that's the only way to deal with life, straight on honest....

I have visions of it sometimes, reliving the motions.

I hope this passes, I hope I can live one day without thinking of this. Just one day....

So this is what I would never write, but did, but in a round-a- bout way. You still don't really know what it's about.

7 comments:

JourneyThroughLIfe said...

Wow that definately was something that you wouldn't write about! Good on you for having a go and opening just that tiny little bit about it all. Very brave!
JTL
xxx

Chelle Y. said...

I have genetic medical problems too. It can be discouraging, but I always try to think positively. That does not always happen! :)

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!

Autrice DelDrago said...

Hmm... if it affected you so strongly, it might have the same affect on others who are going through it, and you're getting through it might be a means of helping a child understand. I had my own personal medical hell as a child, and I struggled with it until I was introduced to an adult who knew what it was like when they went through it as youngster.

my backyard said...

I could relate to this.
Thanks for sharing.

leonie said...

no genetic problems for me, but there are things in my past i can allude to, but still can't really openly talk about. thanks for such a corageous post.

lisrobbe said...

I think when and if you are ever ready you will talk about it but that chose should be yours. Thanks for sharing, even though you didn't talk about it, it was an intriging post.

susanna said...

Oh I hear you! There are certainly subjects in my past that I'm not ready to share on my blog, either. And that's alright.